Alan’s Army

12:45 AM - Alan is out of surgery, we are waiting for him to come out of post-op so we can see him.  The surgeon says the procedure itself was successfully performed but he only saw a dribble of fluid when slitting the sheath around the nerve,  where if pressure was the issue, he would have expected to see a spurt.  So he is not very hopeful for the long term outcome.  He said Alan’s right eye was still at least light sensing post-op.  He wonders if some of the tumor cells are the actual issue and if radiation and chemo might help, but again they might simply make it worse as the optic nerves may be hanging on by a very tentative thread.

Basically he said 6 months down the road we will know for sure the longterm outcome for his sight, but for now Alan is quite simply blind and disabled and we need to get on with the business of treating the cancer to save his life.

He’s on massive steroids and antibiotics.  Tomorrow he will have an MRI (and a check by the local neuro-surgeons that it doesn’t screw up the shunt setting) and then the various Doctors will talk about the new schedule for radiation and chemo.

1:30 AM - I’ve got a blanket on Ginny and she attempts to doze amidst the snores of the family of three who share the dingy waiting room with us as we wait to hopefully see Alan before daybreak.  I look back to early May and wonder how a possibility of blindness was not even on anyone’s radar as a concern.  Now it looks like a fact of Alan’s new life.  Could this have been prevented?  Was there something I was supposed to do?  I’m finding this all suddenly so very hard.  I can’t help but grieve at the loss of my doubles and movie-going partner.   I mourn the fact he’ll never go Pro. I mourn the courses he’ll never see, the tournaments he’ll never play in, and the movies he’ll only ever hear.  My heart is breaking as I allow myself to sit here and type these thoughts I couldn’t possibly speak out loud.

But miracles do happen, right?
2:00 AM - Still waiting for Alan to get out of recovery.

2:15 AM - Still waiting.

2:30 AM - Still waiting.

2:35 AM - I was wandering outside the waiting room and saw them wheel Alan down a hallway so I followed them to G201 and went back and got Ginny.  He said his eyes hurt and he doesn’t think he got sick in Recovery.

3:00 AM - OK, off to home for a few hours sleep.  Sleep tight my baby boy.

Thanks as always for your thoughts and prayers,

Andrew